the first day. a good day.

Today was a good day.
Yesterday I cried myself to sleep again.
But today was a good day.

This is my list of things I want to do today:
Go to IKEA with my mum.
Paint my nails.
Clean some parts of my room.
Get some baking done (two different types of Christmas cakes).
Sit-ups morning and night.
Watch episode 21 of the Christmas calendar.
Read a bit, Frankenstein.
Have a quick run.through of my dance routine from the Nutcracker.

This is the list of things I ended up doing:
Go to IKEA with my mum.
Paint my nails.
Sit-ups morning and night
Watch episode 21 of the Christmas calendar.

It wasn't much. But the trip to IKEA got a bit extended as we went to some other places too. The Christmas shopping went a bit out of hand. So we ended up coming home about three hours later than planned. And this affected the rest of my list. Besides, a day can not be entirely planned. I will just transfer them to tomorrow's list.

I guess the nights are the worst. And car rides. And most music.

Today I realized why young love hardly ever survive. What I think is that we're not mature enough to fight for it. Really fight for it. We can pretend, or try to fight, but I guess we just aren't mature enough to do it the right way. And I hate that, being the hopeless romantic that I am.
It was hard to realize, since I am very sure that it was the case for me and the boy I was with.
 My mother, my brother and everyone else who has ever said that one can be too young for love,
I disagreed with. I argued against them. Because I could feel within my heart and soul that they were wrong. 
But now I have learned. And now I know that they were right.

and that really sucks.

right yet wrong.

Yesterday my boyfriend and I had been together for exactly 13 months.
Yesterday was also the day we broke up.

I have never done this before.
I have never been heartbroken.
I have never felt the sorrow of loosing a best friend so drastically.
I have never cried myself to sleep because of a boy.
Just a stupid boy.

Anyhow, it happened. Tomorrow is the very first day of my Christmas Holiday.
So I have to keep myself busy for two weeks before school starts again.
Because of this, I figured I wanted to write this whole process down. See what happens.

Yesterday I cried a lot. And I took all the things he ever gave me and put them in a bag and put them away. I don't want to throw anything away, since it wasn't a bad break-up. And I really, really, hope we can be friends again in the future. Maybe even close friends, but I just have to wait and see about that. And then another of my best friends came over. And things got better. We laughed. And cried. But we did it together. After she left I listened to Bruno Mars "Count On Me" and started crying again. And I wrapped some Christmas presents and felt the lump in my throat as the last thing we had done together, he and I, was buying this present for a friend of ours, and I had to sign the present from both of us. Probably the last time I will write our names together for a long time. I also changed my status on facebook. I wonder when people will start noticing.

Today I went to school. Everything went okay, the only problem was that I walked around being perpetually nauseous. It was the final day, and since I'm a part of the choir, I spent most of my time there practicing. But I also spent some time with my classmates. But he wasn't there. He didn't show up. And I really wish that he had. So I could return one of his shirts and a book I had borrowed. And to sort of confirm the break-up by seeing him, talking to him while both of us knows it's over. But I still had some fun. And I think I got myself a new friend. So that was great. When school ended some other girls and me ate Christmas porridge and watched Christmas movies. All the time, none of them knew, and I sort of forgot. And that was great. I think I'm going to be fine, really. I  just know that I'm really gonna miss him.
Then I came home and his mum texts me. And I feel that lump in my throat again because she is really nice, and wanted to give me a hug and say Merry Christmas. She also said she had a Christmas gift for me, and I have one for her, so she said she would drop by some time. I wonder how it will be seeing her again. Everything is so different and it sucks. I really hate that I won't not see her so often any more, because she is really, really nice. And a really cool mum.

Now I'm listening to "Count on Me" and "Give Me Love" by Ed Sheeran.
Over and over again.
And I still feel that lump.

I know that the right think to do was to break things off, even though it's not really how I feel right now. I just don't understand how something that is supposedly right can feel so wrong.
Everything just feels so wrong.
Breaking up.
Him not being my best friend anymore.
Or friend at all.

It just really sucks. And I hate it.
And the worst part is that I still really care about him and I still love him so, so much.

I'm glad Christmas is coming around. Everything is busy when it is Christmas. I think I need busy.

I advice anyone who might feel the urge to not read this, to stop right now. Don't.

Lately I haven't been in a really great place. And I'm hoping things are getting better now, but I'm not really sure.

I have just been really tired and overwhelmed with a feeling that I can't do anything right. And my self-esteem have really been low. I am still pretty tired, but things are better now.
I work hard at school and I expect good grades for myself. I really struggle with math. But last Friday I got back our latest test, and I was really pleased with myself then. So that helped.
Everything just feels really strange. Why do I do the things I do?
How many things do I have to juggle at the same time to be happy?
I love being a part of things, doing stuff. But I am starting to wonder if it is to cover up something else? Because whenever I am alone I melancholic. Sometimes it feels right, other times it is just terrible. I have also sort of stopped eating. Or, I have decided to only eat when I am really, really hungry. Which isn't really often, so there you go. Like today I ate a bun, a clementine and a oatmeal cookie. So. yeah.
It feels good though, but I know it is wrong. But I always eat after a workout/dance rehearsal.  I am not stupid.

Today I went to the movies and watched Perks of Being a Wallflower. I Love the book. And I really liked the movie as well. I am glad I got to see it. I like going to the movies.

I think I know why I don't want to go to sleep right now, even though it is late. I just want the week-end to last longer. I don't want to wake up and have responsibilities.

I'll ask Emil more tomorrow about the audition for writing the play. Maybe I'll try-out. I want to write a book. I have the story in my head, so I just have to get it out. Hopefully, this audition can help me with that. Hopefully.

I love The Smiths.

Bye

Playing a hooker..

So. Hi.
Today I had my last performance as a hooker..
It was a rather weird experience, like really weird actually. I have been a part of a historical/fictional play which is set outdoors and where the audience wander from tableau to tableau. It has been really exiting, and I have met a lot of really kind and great people. It has been awesome, and I find it really sad knowing that I will not sing the same songs like that again or perform that number again.
But I will tell you one thing, I am extremely grateful I don't have to put on that outfit ever again. So it really is a sad/happy feeling


On that note; here is a song called "Happy/Sad". It is super sweet! 
The musical in itself is a bit morbid, with the squid and all. But I like it :) 


Have a super sweet day/evening/night/morning/afternoon/whatever


Au revoir!

Trouuubleee

So, I'm in a bit of a situation riight now. It's 22 minutes over midnight, and I have to finish this essay byyyy right now actually. Yup. So i'm listening to bad/sort-of-but-not-totally-good music. And i'm actually NOT writing, so I bet this will be fun. I also apologize for all the bullsh*t this post probably will be. I wish I could just get it over with, but it's like there is something in my that really just don't want to, you know? Gah. I guess i'll try to write some more now, getting some of the thoughts out of my head really helpzz. Glad i got this blog sometimes.
Oh well, good nights then!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=s8QYxmpuyxg

Song i'm listening to right nooow, I totally liked the old Avril a lot better, like the majority of everyone who has ever listened to one (or two maybe) of her songs.

Squeel!

So, I am aware of the fact that I only post here when I'm in different types of moods, it kind of helps I think. Or, I know it does actually. Like when I'm a bit down or stressed out or just really happy (like nooow ^^) I just like to see it written down somewhere!

Okay; backstory: I have a boyfriend. We have been together for about three and a half month. Before we got together I had never even kissed a person, and I had managed to convice myself that I was going to die alone as a crazy dog woman ( as I am terrified of cats).

So, 40 minutes ago I told him that I love him. I have never told anyone that before, not even my parents, so I had to find a lot of courage in myself to manage that. And noow, well I'm just SO glad I did. Because he told me loved me too, and that he have wanted to say it for a couple weeks now (as have I), but he never managed.

After that it was just supersqueel time for both of us. And I'm just . So. Happy. Right now. God.

It's amazing. It's wonderful. It's great, super, fantastic, AWESOME, marvelous, sublime and faboulus.
And I'm playing this song on repeat now, because it just feels right.

Aaah, okay. Goodnight wonderful world, thank you for this amazing day. I believe I will remember it forever... which is quite a long time.

This is crazy, but my heart is fluttering, really. PS; random picture really. One of the bracelets I made this summer.

xx

I don't want to sleep tonight.

I don't really feel like sleeping tonight. It's just one of those days I guess. It still kind of sucks though. One things that really helps is listening to The National. Their EP, "Cherry Tree" is the best for days and nights like this. Actually, it's the best for everything. It's great.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v7T2135xCZQ

I really like this song.

I'll go now.
Bye

Working on Things

So right now I'm working on a couple of things. Some would call them New Years Resolutions, I don't. I'll rather stick with "things", even though it's a huge placeholder.

This summer in France

 First off there's my french. At school, I'm in an advanced frech class even though I haven't taken a beginners course. This summer I was in France and went to an academically okay school for two weeks. Obviously that didn't qualifiy as a full beginners course, which normally last for two or three years. When I'm in class I don't notice my lack of knowledge compared to the others, when it comes to tests however, not so good. My Mum is a french teacher and she speaks the language fluently, something that this is very fortunate for me. She tryes to help me as much as she can, but as always, time is not on our side. Still, even without her help, I get a lot of extra work done on my own. To put it short; I'm trying to improve my french, a lot.

This is not me, but a friend. Taken a year ago.

Secondly, I really want to be a better dancer. This semester I'm taking three courses instead of just the two I have been doing for two years. Actually I have taken one of the courses for 10 years now, while I have been doing the other one for only two years. Anyways, this Tuesday is my debut as a ballett dancer, I'm really, reallly, really excited! My goal is to manage alle the three dance courses at the same time as not messing up my school work. I also want to stretch and do some push-ups and sit-ups every night and moring, along with all the excercise for my back-problems. It will be hard, especially in the morning, but I'll try my best.

Me and the doggie out for a walk

  Lastly, I would like to walk my dog more often. I know this sounds kind of silly, or just terrible that I don't walk my dog more often. The thing is that we are a family of four people, who all walk the dog. Some more that often, though. I am a very busy person, therefore I only get the chanse every two weeks or so. I want to walk him at least once a week. My dog is 13 years old, and really great. His name is Romeo, and he deserves being walked. I'm going out with him today, and I did it yesterday as well. I think I will manage this, it's only  matter of priorities after all.

Hoping for the best concidering my goals, I know that if I work hard enough, I'll make it!

See ya :)

Hi

I want to write stuff down. For my own sake. Hi.
I din't do much today, but it doesn't matter. I'm still working on my french, and I'll start dancing again Monday. I'm really looking forward to that.

I really like this song. I just heard it on the radio, but I think it's wonderful. It's in Norwegian, translated, the headline says "We dreamt about America".

I'm not in a great mood right now, I think it because I have eaten to much chocolate, because I'm kind of sick

Kay, bye.